Thursday, October 20, 2005

swinging us voters

It is really no big mystery... and all the writings are on the wall.
The election will be coming soon.

How do we know that?

Just look at the papers and you can see a sea of rosy pictures about how employment figures is going up, the pay setting to be increased next year, the prices of COE went down and more precincts scheduled for upgrades. In fact, even the PM has opened his golden mouth that the election could be anytime.

All these are not lost on our dear oppositions, which even started their campaign to garner more votes and also to get funds by selling newsletters and whatnots.

However, I really do think that they are not just lacking in funds... they lack a lot more.

Some of the more common failings:

1). Smile: At this age of GST, do you think your scowl will get us to empathize with you? You might think that you are the crusader that will rescue us from the evil crutches of abject slavery and that we owe you a living, but in truth, we owe you nothing and that it is our vote that will get you into the office. So, please smile more and shake hands, walk the ground and do what politicians since time immemorial has been doing, kissing babies and shaking hands has been the sign of politicians getting close to the people, walking the ground, cliché as it all may sounds, it also shows that you care and willing to connect. . And that is the only way that the second step can be realized

2). listen: Now that we see you, Mr. Opposition. Maybe you will like to listen to us. Listen to the topics that riles us and to let us know you have our interest at heart. While you can still get on your high horse about how Singapore is not so democratic compared to some developed nations and that some polls showed that we have no human rights, get off it and start telling us where the beef is. That is more important. Show us how by electing you that you can get us more goodies and remember those who promise us the bread gets the vote.

3). Work together: We know have that illusion of grandeur and that you are insurmountable, if that is the case, please wake up and smell the coffee, you are probably asleep or should have been sent to the rehab for the last 30 or so years. You guys have been trounced and trounced bad. And if you think that play fair is something that you are entitled to, I will suggest that you not to take up any more election, in fact, you should not even take up any sports and I sure hope that you do not gamble in casinos (IR in Singapore context) because you are playing against the house, and there is absolutely no way that the odds is not stack against you one way or the other. There will always be irrefutable reasons that the election boundary needs to be re-drawn and that more GRCs needs to be formed or get bigger. Your only hope, get together, cover all, and I repeat, all the grounds. Now is not the time to let small things like ego gets in the way of that coveted seat in that place. There is always plenty of time to have infighting and bickering after the contest is won, if you win it, that is.

4). Play Nice: Or appear to do so, using low brow tactics like asking your opponent where is the money or to show you the money is not being nice, especially to the public’s eyes. In fact, it is down right stupid. Saying stupid things without first consulting your lawyer as to if you can get sued for saying that is foolish as well, remember, this is a campaign, not WWE. This is definitely not a No-Holds-Barred contest. Remember high-jinxed antics and shenanigans not well thought out will get you donating to someone’s charity under a judge’s order or spending time in Changi chalet with no hopes of ever contesting ever again.

5). Have Carrots: We are all suckers for freebies and promised goodies, while I know that the coffer is not deep, do give up some goodies that people can use and do remember, you can always promise and that it will only come back to haunt you during the next GE if your cheque bounced.

6). keep it clean: Do remember that all the money has to be accounted for and that by no chance, someone with other than a pink IC should be linked to the funds of your campaign. And make sure that you have no traffic offence, no record of any misdemeanors, did not cheat at the last exam, did not cheat with your maid, co-worker or your best friend’s wife/husband, be even more straight laced then the pope. If there is just 1 blemish in your record, trust me, they will find it and show it for the world to see. On top of that, Do not retain any porn on your computer. If there was, remember, no technology is advance enough to restore a hard disk smashed into 700 pieces and the platter burnt and demagnetized. Trust me, I know.

All I all, I wish you luck in your endeavors, not that I am going to vote for you, in fact, I have not even see that damn thing you called vote since I hit 21.

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